Tags
Aristocracy, Chancellors Court, Class, Class struggle, Edinburgh, Edinburgh University, Empress of Blandings, Humor, Marxism, Masses Against the Classes, P G Wodehouse, Pollock Halls, Satire
[Tychy welcomes its latest correspondent, the anonymous socialite behind the sensational Gossip Girl Edinburgh Edition, which chronicles the “scandalous lives of the Edinburgh elite.” In this exclusive column, Gossip Girl shares some of her hottest scoops… Ed.]
Painting the New Town Red.
Last night those fashionable chaps at 32 Drummond Place held their fourteenth dinner party in a row, although noise complaints have been scarce since their grumbling neighbour finally hanged himself! Carnage ensued upon the arrival of the delicious Oscar Rhodes and his fragrant lady Fructis Hetton. Descending from his taxi, Oscar’s attention was captured by a fox which was rooting about in some nearby dustbins. “Eh! Out the way peasants!” Oscar boomed. “There’s a jonny fox on the loose!” Unconscious of the squealing Fructis’ attempts to manhandle him back towards the party, Oscar set off after the unfortunate animal, he chased it half way around the New Town, and over an hour later he returned with its body clamped in his teeth. Fructis’ horror at this spectacle was nothing to her dismay when Oscar ceremonially “blooded” her forehead and cheeks with a few quick slaps of fox. “That will teach the bounder!” Oscar quipped, although it was unclear whether this referred to the dead fox or his crimson-faced girlfriend!
Bachelor of the Month -Henry Pelham Grenville.
Henry is a product of Shropshire’s highly exclusive Buttocks, which is the only boarding school in Britain to have its own airport. And judging from the stir which Henry has been causing amongst the city’s movers and shakers, those five-digit school fees have not been put to waste. Henry presently occupies his own private wing at Chancellor’s Court, although he has so far spent the whole semester skiing in the French Alps, leaving behind a team of manservants to attend to his more onerous academic duties…
Spotted.
The Empress of Blandings, wallowing in the mire of the George Square Gardens. Lord Emsworth was so fond of his prize Berkshire sow that he sent her to one of the country’s most exclusive private schools, where, incredibly, she attained nine A* A-levels. The Empress now inhabits a customised apartment in Chancellor’s Court and in between buckets of swill, she studies for a degree in the History of Art. Rumour has it that on Saturday nights the Empress can be found strutting her stuff on the dance floor of WhyNot.
Credit Crunch Woes.
Sad times for Henry Pelham Grenville. His father was a major player in the Credit-Crunch, losing £40 million pounds worth of toxic assets. Since his father’s cheques have started bouncing, Henry has been forced to get a job on the tills at Farmfoods. Hard cheese on you Henry!
[We hope to feature more news of the Edinburgh elite soon, providing there is still one left after the financial crisis. Ed]
I’m saddened to note that following some hostile press in today’s Scotsman (“Gossip Girl lifts lid on student ‘trust-fund toffs’”), Gossip Girl has shut down her blog and deleted its archives, presumably to spare its subjects from further “toff”-bashing. GG Edinburgh Edition was bound to annoy people, but Gossip Girl was a talented writer and I hope that she resumes blogging or writing in the future.
Shame I just find out about Gossip Girl Edinburgh and they take down the site. I do love to read about toffs and the upper class. Anyone know if she is still out there ? X