How to Read TYCHY.

1. If you are interested in this website, then please do not visit it every day. If I were you, I would pop in no more than once per month. I can normally scrape together something new to appeal to the general reader on a monthly basis. Subscribing to this website is, frankly, insane.

2. The only truly original content on this website is the short fiction. The illustrations are atrociously unprofessional; the reviews of books and of YouTube channels are written in the main cynically, to attract readers. And once they are here, these readers are supposed to discover the short fiction.

3. I am a generalist and quite idealistically so. I want to be in a state where I can write an article on any subject after a morning’s research. One of the (numerous) reasons why I never went into academia is because I hate the practice of specialisation across the Humanities. We have all, I am sure, met the postgraduate student whose subject is, say, the personal correspondence of Thomas Hardy between 1925 and 1928. If this is an expert, then there is nothing more roundly useless than an expert.

4. I like William Shakespeare and the American Renaissance and Marxism and Brexit and the Edinburgh Fringe and democratic media such as podcasting and YouTube. I hate clichés. It is infinitely less painful for me to write a lie than a cliché.

5. Different people narrate the short fiction on Tychy. One of them is Zbigniew Tycienski, who was born in 1974 and who now lives in Edinburgh, where most of these stories are set. He is an agency worker. Each story is meant to function perfectly happily as a standalone item, although after a while you might begin to sense that there is a “mother story” at work above and beyond them.

6. After you have read these short stories you are free to go. There is no Patreon or merchandise. A blog like this has no production costs. By the by, any ads that you might notice are put there by WordPress, our kind hosts.

7. Please leave a comment! There is wisdom (somewhere) in even the most abusive comment and they all add to the human experience. I actually find abusive comments to be tremendously excting. I only censor comments if they look defamatory or if they refer to ongoing trials. This website features over a hundred, very beautiful comments by a sort of Surrealist from Pennsylvania called (the?) Botendaddy. If Tychy was the long neck of a beautiful woman then these comments would be a glorious pearl necklace.

8. Please write to me at once if you spot a mistake : If you are an actor and I have mispelled your name, or if I have credited you as being Rosencrantz when you were really Guildenstern, then I will correct this immediately. No quibble is too trivial here.

9. I used to have a warning on this page for students who want to plagiarise my writing. Lately, however, these students are always rumbled by software. I know a gentleman in his mid forties who was studying music production at Napier College. One morning his class was subjected to an almighty bollocking, from which he learnt that he was the only member of the class who had written his coursework himself. All of his eighteen-year-old classmates had cut and pasted from Wikipedia and the omniscient software had, of course, known everything.

10. Tychy is blogging, which might seem obvious, but I think that prose possesses a power and concision that continues to elude podcasting and videomaking. Ernest Hemingway would have gotten nowhere with a podcast and Alice Munro would have never won the Nobel with a YouTube channel or TikTok. Meanwhile, microblogging remains the most barbarian means of expression available. The feminist Camille Paglia once remarked that all of the greatest minds of her generation had been wrecked by LSD. Much the same has occurred with my own generation and Twitter.

Congratulations on finding this website and thank you for visiting.

29 thoughts on “How to Read TYCHY.”

  1. pseudonymblog said:

    I really like your header picture…I’ve been trying, to no avail, to find something good for mine…but since I haven’t…I guess I’ll keep the boring blue…

    P.S….thanks for the Blogroll add, you’ve been added to mine, as well…and thanks for the super sweet comment!

  2. Dear Tychy
    I fully agree with your denunciation of these sweaty eccentrics. As a tax paying mother of five, it infuriates me that my money is used to further their silly past times – like the twerp who does a glorified hop. skip and jump. Apparently us tax payers ploughed £400m into this rubbish – £20m for each gold medal – and are they gold – what is their scrap value? It’s a disgrace.

    I think that this refers to London 2012: Stop the Madness. Ed.

  3. woebegonewife said:

    Like your headers. No idea why you linked to me, but what the hell! I’ll link back.

  4. Paul Hart said:

    Please remove my e-mail address from my comment on the Retreat. Thank you!

    • Your e-mail address should be gone – it’s no longer visible to me – cheers for the comment, btw, and please tell me if you can still see your address. your computer may have saved it in connection to the page, but it’s not publicly accessible. tychy.

  5. Hi there, great blog, good to meet a fellow Edinburgh blogger. I’m not a student and I won’t be plagiarising, although I do, now, consider myself ‘told’ in advance! WBW, CBC

  6. Caitlin said:

    Hi there, I know it says ‘don’t plagiarise’ but I was hoping I could use you as a source? I’m particularly interested in the 2009 Hawthorn article, and was hoping you could give me the correct information so I could accurately quote & reference you?
    That is only if you give me permission to quote you of course,
    Thanks alot!

    • Well, to “plagiarise” means to steal somebody’s writing and pretend that it’s your own, but it doesn’t sound as if you’d do anything that wicked. I’d be honoured if you’d quote anything from this website. You should reference the pseudonym (Tychy) and you should also provide the article title, the date it was posted, and maybe the web address too.
      Good luck with your work. Thanks for visiting.

  7. Margaret Harkness said:

    Hmm. “No plagiarising” but you’ve used a photo of mine for which I don’t recall you asking my permission. It may be that my memory is at fault and if so, apologies. If not, I’ll give you retrospective permission but please do ask permission of any photographer whose work you wish to use.

    • Err… woebegonewife? That’s an avatar – you created it and then left it on my website. Or at least one of us must have and it wasn’t me. As for the permission of photographers, I don’t think that this website has ever featured a single photograph.

  8. Barking, keep up with the tablets!
    Woof Woof, you mad bashturd lolz

  9. Hello Bonnie. I am a budding writer from Kingston, Jamaica. I was looking at your website, and I would like to ask you if you could review a short story for me? Just please tell me what are your opinions about my story and how to improve it. That is if you are interested in my proposal??? I wait for an answer. Thanks. Paul.

  10. moikaturns said:

    Read the ‘on the road’ piece – the comments make disturbing reading! When all about were losing their heads, you at least kept yours.

  11. Hey, I’m Paris Carter owner and operator of The Bibliomaniacs, a writing/book review site. We’re launching our new magazine in the Fall. And I was wondering if you were interested in submitting a short story, essay, or poem. Please contact me if you’re interested!

  12. Carrie Smith said:

    May your ink never run dry. And if it does, I shall cross oceans to bring fresh cartridges.

  13. Gin dobre! jesteś wielkim oszustem, przyjacielu!

    Musisz zrobić rysunek Botendaddy!

    Wiesz co mówię?

    Pokój to Botendaddy

    • Kurwa mać, no I don’t understand anything.

      • I had hoped my knowledge of Sowiejt 🇷🇺 Russian and Tito Kommunist Serboi-Croatian (CROATOAN?) would help to write dobre Polskja, but something got lost in translation, I think gangster could be interpreted as ‘crook’ like Tricky ‘Dick’ Nixon.

        Pax est Botendaddy

  14. On plagiarism, I was deemed guilty of self-plagiarism as part of the punishment first I had to fight my evil twin Klingon self, then Captain Kirk (Pronounced Crunch) with our wrists tied together and a knife in the middle in a jar of petroleum jelly. Then I had to fight a really slow-moving Gorn, who I blew up. I mean the lizard was just defending himself. Then I fought a fake Indian named Kirok, then a Utah religious computer named Landru, then finally a robot named Nomad. I am Nomad… sterilize… sterilize…

  15. I love your art . So so so beautiful!!

  16. Hi James, I have lost the phone. Probably left in the back seat of my dad’s car when I was getting down from the airport. Please send your number and also call on my phone.Writing from airport

  17. Hello there! I found you after you commented on my blog. (thanks so much for that) And what a find!!! I will be following you in future. Happy blogging!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.